The reason I couldn’t get through more than the first Twilight book was not because of superfluous adverbs. It was because I guess I don’t know what it’s like to be “unconditionally and irrevocably” in love with a guy who makes me so nervous I can’t even talk to him like a normal person, so stupid I don’t even care that he wants to eat me. Who wants to live their lives swooning over an undead guy?
Or any guy, actually?
Apparently half of America, that’s who.
The Hollywood ideal of romance is my biggest pet peeve. I don’t understand why girls want the kind of relationship where they are so obsessed with their boyfriend that they stop caring about everything besides him, lose grip of their own identity and interests, feel anxious when he’s around because they’re so nervous and excited, and feel anxious when he’s gone because they imagine (falsely!) that they feel more secure when he’s there.
Maybe this does not describe the Twilight saga. Like I said, I never really finished it. But I think it describes too many girls’ mistaken ideas about what kind of feelings they’re looking for. When everyone craves infatuation like candy, there’s no question their relationships are eventually going to make them feel sick. I quote from psychologist Dr. Allen E. Bergin to prove my point: “Many young adults report having ‘fallen in love,’ some of them many times. The romantic feelings described often seem powerful and all-consuming, as if one cannot live without the love partner. Such romance can be the beginning of a mature and lasting love, but not usually.” And why not? Because all-consuming relationships are “doomed to eventually crash because they are rooted in selfish escapism or are motivated by our own deficiencies.”
Note to self: Totally not worth it to become a vampire for a fleeting teenage crush. Or, from what I’ve heard, a fleeting teenage marriage. I wonder how the undead go about getting divorced.
Another annoyance of mine is the kind of relationship that starts out with the love interests always snipping at each other, like enemies. I know, Pride and Prejudice is a classic and yadda yadda. But I never related to it much.
That’s why I was super surprised when I learned that creating characters who fight is an accepted, purposely used strategy in romance books and Hollywood movies.
Lynne Kurland gave a fantastic lecture on writing romance at BYU’s Life, the Universe, and Everything conference this year. She explained that if you know your characters well enough, you know what traits attract them and what traits enfuriate them. Then you can put both qualities in the love interest character to make things really ignite. Think Han and Leia.
Lynne’s lecture reminded me of the need for interesting romantic tension in novels and movies. She highlighted what I should already know—that we don’t make movies and books to be didactic but ENTERTAINING! The happily ever after ending is not realistic, but HOPEFUL!
The problem I can’t seem to wrap my mind around is how so many of our lives imitate art—to our detriment.
I’m glad I chose to marry someone I can talk to endlessly, even if I didn’t swoon over him at first. And I’m SO glad we don’t snip at each other. I don’t think that kind of relationship would make me feel strong and sassy so much as sad.
People sometimes accuse me of not having any hormones or even feelings, and that I overvalue thinking things through instead of listening to my heart. But guess what? Dr. Bergin says that the people who use their heads the most are the most likely to choose a great spouse. Which I did, thank you very much.
So who here wants to read my next YA novel? I’m thinking it’ll be about a girl making a list of pros and cons regarding the proposed love interest and analyzing if he’s a good match before she bothers falling unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Ha!
You’re probably thinking I should go finish that Twilight series and learn a thing or two from Stephenie Meyer.
10 Comments
April 9, 2009 at 9:27 am
Oh Kim! You are fantastic. (But maybe that is because we really have the same take on this topic.) I’m excited for your book!
April 9, 2009 at 10:01 am
I consider myself a romantic. I don’t think I was made that way from books I’ve read or movies I’ve seen, but they probably added to an already over-idealized concept of relationships. As I’ve gotten older, and perhaps more jaded, I haven’t stopped liking those books and movies or stopped having romantic ideas, but I have realized that my actual relationships are not (and should not) be like all those I read or view.
I agree that too many young girls are getting a warped perspective of what a healthy, stable relationship should look like, but I don’t think it’s wrong to want that element of romance to be a part of it. I think everyone can have that without it becoming all-consuming. Think of how romantic it can be when your significant other does the dishes or remembers to add fabric softener to the laundry. It doesn’t have to all be long-stem roses and fancy dinners.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I loved being entertained by relationships that I know are not realistic. But perhaps that’s because I’ve been able to learn from experience that they are only meant for entertainment. How do we help young girls learn that? Maybe we be the good examples of these healthy relationships, whether we are thinkers or romanticizers. Maybe a novel like yours will help do the trick. I know I’ll want to read it.
*BTW, I have to defend Darcy and Elizabeth. I don’t think they were snippy with each other. They just initially misunderstood one other; plus, they had obvious chemistry, which can sometimes turn to negative tension until they figure out how best to relate to each other. Sorry. I love this book and these two characters.
April 9, 2009 at 10:51 am
Marie! So good to hear from you. And good to hear the other side, too.
Although I don’t think our opinions are that far off. Perhaps I’ll have to follow up with another post explaining what I think IS romantic.
I like Pride and Prejudice fine. I like that Elizabeth Bennett broke all the rules because I consider myself a bit of a feminist. I just thought I’d take a jab at the classics so no one thought me biased against only vampire stories. Ha ha!
April 9, 2009 at 10:09 am
I couldn’t agree more. The romance was my biggest issue with Twilight and many other teenage love stories. I guess I think with my head and not my heart, too!
April 9, 2009 at 10:48 am
I agree with the “all-consuming love” problem. I especially have a problem when a “break-up” is treated like a death or something.
Man, you are so eloquent in your blogs. I’m a little jealous!
April 9, 2009 at 11:52 am
This made me laugh. Thanks, Kim. Blake and I actually rented the movie last night (I have avoided reading the books, but we’re going to the peninsula with my family this weekend and the plan is to go through Forks, so we thought we should be educated. Why? I don’t know.) My favorite line from the movie was when he says something like “And so the lion falls in love with the lamb.” And she says “What a stupid lamb.” I started cracking up. When characters know they are doing something dumb, why don’t they stop??? It kind of epitomized the whole story for me. Not a fan.
I would love to see a book where a character makes a list of pros and cons. It would make the character much more interesting to me than being all gushy. It wouldn’t be as much of a romance, but I think it’s pretty clear that you wouldn’t really want your book classified in that genre.
April 10, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Britney, you’re the first person I’ve ever met who’s going to Forks! Fill me in.
I bet its new superstar status has turned it into a bit of a tourist trap, no?
April 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Oh Kim, You are Hilarious!! I love you!!
April 10, 2009 at 9:31 am
I’m a bigger fan of the books/movies where the heroine discovers that she is really in love with her best friend. That’s what I like to see
April 16, 2009 at 8:51 am
[...] the problem with Young Adult (YA) fiction that my friend and YA author Kim recently blogged about here and in a follow up here. She talks about how it is annoying that in books like Twilight and other [...]