After stressing for about four weeks straight now, I have decided to offer you, my dear readers, a calming deep thought:
Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself. . . . You have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run—in the long run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.
—Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, p. 17
My conscience commands me to stop thinking about the economy, quit all my jobs, and live in my pajamas, writing novels.
(Heh heh, just kidding, Professor-Boss-Rick.)
In case that deep thought didn’t ease all your stresses, I offer another:
I think a good product would be “Baby Duck Hat.” It’s a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off!
Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
Still didn’t cheer you up? Then contact me and join me for ISU World Cup Speedskating on Friday, March 6. You’ll get to see the nutty Dutch band, a bunch of famous speedskaters, and me. It’s official: thanks to the generous mentoring of speedskater and creative writer Andrew Love, the character in my next novel is going to be the fastest 17-year-old on ice.